To the lady in the greengrocer who bought my son a cucumber…

  

Here’s as about as artistic as I could get with what we did with it.

I’ve thought of that greengrocer trip so often since we came home from our errands that morning. 

It was so kind of you to offer to buy my son the cucumber he had asked me for after I said no. 

I thought it was very respectful of you to check with me first whether it was ok for you to buy it for him. It is because you were so friendly and respectful to me by doing that, that in the moments I turn it over in my mind I assure myself that you don’t think I am a terrible mother! I promise I wasn’t trying to teach him anything by saying no, and that my reason was simply as I gave to my son. We had already spent our food budget and there was no more grocery money till Thursday. (The only reason we were buying potatoes was that son number 2 was due to be cooking dinner with me that evening and shepherds pie needs potato. I broke my own rules and deviated from the menu plan on Friday and regretted it for the rest of the week). On another day you might find me spending nearer $50 in that shop, paying out of a shabby envelope in to which the grocery budget goes every Thursday.

I agree it’s so nice to hear children asking for fruit and vegetables. My kids ask for them all the time, especially this particular son! We eat a lot of them and we are hardly ever sick, according to our doctor. She notices that we don’t go and see her for illnesses very much, if at all. Our food budget is tight, and this is my exact dilemma. I can keep my family in good health by making a healthy smoothie every day. When we stop those, we start to notice our immunity dropping and a sniffle develops. Smoothie next day, sniffle disappears. The trouble is, that is half our food budget gone in just breakfast smoothies, if I make them all of the time. Since the doctor mentioned how healthy we are I have had an idea. Some of  the money I am putting aside in the health budget can become my health smoothie fund. It’s kind of a health insurance anyway.

So we got home from the shops and I made a gluten free pizza from scratch which went perfectly with the cucumber. My son was happy to share it. He was even happier I let him slice it by himself (hence the knife marks).  The pizza also includes a mock cheese sauce made from a bag of frozen cauliflower for the potato bake that used up all of my potatoes in the wrong meal. So despite being nearly the end of the ‘food week’ we ate really well that day.

In the past I have done similar to you. Paid for someone’s shopping because i wanted to show them that someone cares for them or because they asked me for money. I am in a mixed season now. Sometimes I can give, and other times I have to receive. This was one of those times. 

Thanks again… You blessed my son and he generously shared the cucumber with all of us and he enjoyed cutting it all up himself for lunch.

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Even more real

About to turn 40, I am happy with how this year is turning out and what I have learned. I finally feel like I have a grip on most things (in a good way!) and I know who I am, where I am going, and what I am doing. For now… In this season until it changes again. 

Not everyone feels like this at 40, and maybe it’s not connected with age. But I have spoken to 2 other friends recently who felt like this…they linked it with age, with 40 being a great age. For want of any better ideas, I’m linking it too. Instead of feeling scared of the number (I’ve learned not to be scared of numbers 😉 ) I am going to embrace it. 

I have never been a fan of pretence, and I don’t mind being the boy in the story who shouts “the Emperor has got no clothes on!”. Everyone else finally felt relieved (and far less stupid) when he was brave enough (or something!) to say what everyone else was even too afraid to think. 

I see so many things ready to trap us as new parents (and not so new ones) into joining with the crowd pretending they can see this amazing new suit… And inside wondering if they are the only one who can’t see it. 

Classic example: group of first time mothers ( or not so first time mothers) talking about their babies’ sleep. 

Another example: same group of mothers gathering in one of their homes and going away thinking they are the only one who can’t even manage to get dressed before 11 (or at all) let alone clear and clean up, and bake before having friends over. Pinterest makes all these things worse if we have to look ‘Pinny’ as well as parent pur children, keep house. Make amazing date nights for our husbands,  and on it goes.  

I’ve had to change my expectations of myself, a high achiever in most things, as my family has grown. I am sad when I hear of friends trying to do all those things they think they should be doing, but instead are drawing on reserves not easily replenished (there’s no magic iron infusion for this one) and ‘sleep when your baby sleeps’ is the biggest joke out. 

I am going to be thinking more about this ‘real’ and writing about it. There are a number of lies we believe in both directions: do it all / do nothing. There’s an honest, sanity saving middle ground I seem to have finally stumbled on. It’s the way I am walking this year.